the rules of three: attachment


Attachment is a difficult thing to avoid, regardless of whether you are on the receiving end. However, there are a number of easily avoidable pitfalls that you may take note of, and dodge accordingly. First we’ll go through the words, then we’ll go through the actions that foster accelerated attachment.

NOcabulary
There are some things you just don’t say to a person you don’t want to keep around. Luckily, I’m sitting in a waiting room at a walk-in clinic so I’ve plenty of time to list them out!

Baby, honey, love, darling
These are all terms of endearment. Avoid them unless you are hoping to endear this individual to you. It’s that simple.

Dinner, breakfast, brunch, lunch, future, kids…
These should speak for themselves. Don’t speak of the future if there is none. As for dinner? Dinner is a date. A date is a sign of intent. The most successful single guy I know hasn’t so much as said the word dinner around a single woman since 2009.

Miss, care, important, and love
These all imply that your insignificant other holds some kind of elevated status within your life. Not good, if all you want out of them is some fun. I’d call this Post-3 vernacular to be sure.

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I can only express puzzlement, which borders on alarm.

Oxytocin
This rule has three different but equally vital prongs.

Firstly, you never wake up next to a person if you don’t want to form a bond. Oxytocin – also aptly known as the “faithfulness” hormone – is released when two people sleep together. So unless you want to swim in each other’s love fumes, kick that person out of your bed.. or if it’s their bed, have the sense to slip out before they wake up.

Second, limit your encounters to once a week. More importantly, once a partner has had you thrice, cut them off. Mind you, I didn’t set this number arbitrarily. It is in my experience that people tend to get attached or consider forming some kind of bond as of the fourth round of jockey hockey. Get out before it’s too late, and consider this an incentive to always make each night a stellar experience; when you only get three, you have no time for mediocre sex. Be warned: it may be tempting to break this rule but be vigilant. Only break it when your partner is worth keeping around. You’d be surprised how quickly some folks imagine more permanent bonds, and some will argue against the Post-3 cutoff. Don’t let them win.

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Never give up. Never surrender. Then enjoy the power trip while they keep trying to get you back.

Thirdly, the less they know, the better. The exception to this is sexual health. Be sure your partners are healthy and that they won’t end up giving you a gift that keeps on giving.

Don’t tell them about your life or your dreams or your exes or your day. Don’t introduce them to your friends or text them for no reason. Familiarity, effort, and knowledge are integral to intimacy. If you want to keep someone at a distance, deprive them of those things.

If you want to close that distance, sure. Start talking. If you’re a guy wanting to close that distance, the single fastest way: the No-Reason Good Morning text. Trust me. We’re suckers for it. I know I am.

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